Just in case you thought lady Hawke was any better.

Not the first time I feel horribly sorry for viscount Dumar and Aveline, trying to hold that city together while Hawke is… Hawke,

Alert! Nerds leaving their homes to go outside! Briefly! Before going indoors again.

Because let’s face it, if there is any meme Hawke embodies, it’s Florida Man.

You can all blame Zenatness for introducing me to this meme. I find it hilarious XD.

Champions and Heroes Presents:
Kirkwall Man

In the fifth installation, the series will be renamed Cullen Age. Or we learn that his surname is Dragon and that he was the main character all along. 

I’m currently down under (read: Australia) and haven’t had any time draw a comic, so I give you this instead.

I did legit see the ship in the clouds. I am bitter to this day that I didn’t manage to get a photo of it because it was super cool.

(I also saw a single cloud in a completely clear sky once, shaped like a reaper. That was creepy.)

I would never suggest that the aliens are, perhaps, complete morons, but at times when playing ME1… Well, I marveled that they ever managed to invent space travel. 

Wrex was absolutely unplayable, as he was huge and would without fail take the space right where I was taking cover. When he would inevitably die from not taking cover he’d be too big a corpse to properly see around too. Let’s just say he wasn’t my favorite.

Garrus’s habit of getting stuck behind doors is well documented (pressing buttons is a difficult concept, ok?) but I’m not sure how many had Tali angrily leaving cover to shoot people in the face in full view. It happened with Jack once in ME2 too, to be fair.

Liara left Ashley and Shepard once to deal with a long area on their own, because a corner at the start of the area was too difficult to leave behind. And I can’t bring her to places with pillars, at all. They’re her best friends. 

Strangely enough, Kaidan and Ashley never exhibited these kinds of problems when I played with them.

And the presentations continue, this time with Dorian Pavus. Who has admittedly had some reveals about his character, but we here and Champions and Heroes choose to present these characters in ways the creators haven’t even considered! Gasp!

Mr Dorian McFancy Beard aka The Moustache Mage, the single wielder of this school of magic in all of Thedas. Marvel at his skill, marvel at those beards. Just marvel.

Dragon Age Origins had statistics where you could see how many humans, darkspawn, etc you had killed. The number of humans I had killed were as good as always greater than the number of darkspawn (it shifted towards the end of the game though). Essentially, my Warden would have done Thedas a greater service if they set those humans out to fight the darkspawn, even if they only killed on each before dying. 

Hawke and the crew… fight even less darkspawn. Frankly, they’re likely the most prolific band of serial killers that Kirkwall has seen since the days under Tevinter rule.

Imagine Mass Effect told through the eyes of Silly Hawke. It would truly be the darkest day.

I’m sorry Lorik, but you should have known it was a lost cause when you asked a vanguard to deal with the mess.